My Anxiety and the Coronavirus

As you may already know from previous posts or through my Instagram, I suffer from anxiety and have problems dealing with stress (you can read more here)

It’s been about 6 weeks since Boris called a national emergency in the UK and started to enforce strict rules for the public to follow to slow the spread of the coronavirus.

I am a front line healthcare worker for the NHS. I work in a big London hospital as a radiographer so am in contact with people all day.

The job is already stressful, especially the last few years with the demand for medical imaging increasing constantly! We are always busy. There are no quiet days... we may have an hour or two where we get less patients than usual but still fairly busy.

Since the coronavirus outbreak I have been feeling my anxiety worsen. I have a young daughter who has mild asthma, so am constantly worrying about her!

At first it wasn’t that bad as the virus hadn’t really spread widely with just a couple of cases in the UK.

My first anxiety attack came when a patient I had just finished imaging told me she had come from Brighton and she was close friends with one of the GPs who had contracted the virus...

I realised that I was seeing patients who had come from all over the country, who may or may not have been in contact with coronavirus patients...

Then there was talk about closing universities and schools, stopping non urgent appointments in the hospitals and limiting contact with people you wouldn’t usually see on a daily basis.

My second attack came when Boris decided to close the schools, except for children of key workers. My heart broke a little. I knew it was a good move to ensure that critical workers could carry on going to work, but it made me worry for Issy's safety! I wanted her home where I could control what she was touching.

I was so stressed I woke with a migraine the next morning - it was awful I couldn’t open my eyes or eat anything! I was too nauseous.

Jacks company had decided to let their employees work from home until further notice. I wanted Issy to stay at home with him, but it would mean he couldn’t work, which was not ideal.

I spoke to Issys nursery and jack spoke to his managers and we decided that it would be safer for issy to be at home, Jack would look after Issy and then work a few hours in the evening when I was home to try and make up time.

For the first week I had annual leave so I was home with Issy, and I established a bit of a routine to follow, so it would be easy for jack to take over by himself the following week.

Look out for a post in the near future about the routine we made for her, and some ideas of activities to keep your kids entertained during this time at home!

HOW I'VE FELT

Not very well, if I’m honest.

It’s been a while since the last time I was truly happy or smiled fully.

All the uncertainty in the weeks leading up to Boris’ new restrictions made my anxiety worse than it has been in a long time! It’s been bad recently anyway for a different reason, same reason as last year actually to do with friendships and being left out in the dark socially... but the outbreak has aggravated it more!

I spent the first few weeks crying ALL THE TIME. 

I’m short and snappy when people talk to me and I just don’t feel like being happy. 

I've been paranoid, thinking people don't like me or are whispering about me... It’s tiring!

HOW IVE BEEN DEALING WITH IT

I try and think of a positive for every negative that pops in my head.

For example:

• We have to stay inside on our days off = I get to do all the activities I’ve complained about not having time to do, like blog or sort my wardrobe out.

• Issy is taken away from her friends at nursery = she gets to spend time with her parents more, instead of most of her waking hours with nursery. She probably won’t remember this part of her life when she’s older and hopefully it’s short lived enough that it won’t have an impact on her social development.
• I have to go into work exposed to this virus = I get to help people feel better during this time. Plus my closest friend are also my colleagues so I get to see them at work.

I've also been practicing a lot of self care!
I've established a skin care routine that i follow religiously to try and keep my skin looking healthy, and also to make me feel better about myself!

Lots of treats like chocolates and cups of tea have been keeping me sane. I also find joy in food so I've thrown myself into cooking new meals each week!

In the next few weeks I will be publishing a post on ways to help combat anxiety. 

I just wanted to write this diary post first as a kind of life update and to shine a light on anxiety as it is a big issue at the moment that many more people have been struggling with since the lock down recently! 

So many people have reached out to me on my Instagram with similar experiences - if you feel like you are struggling, come and say hello over on my Instagram page @lazymumclub or drop me a message/comment if you just need a chat!