Hands up those of you who have had any of the following phrases said to you:
"You're talented, but not what we are looking for right now."
"I'm afraid your skill set is not quite at the level we expect for this position"
"I don't think this is going anywhere, lets just be friends"
Sound familiar?
Say hello to rejection, a feeling most of us have come to know and fear.
If you've never experienced this feeling before, allow me to help. Take your dominant hand and curl it into a fist. Turn it around to face you, and (preferably with increasing speed and strength) plant it firmly into your stomach. Remember that dull ache, its a feeling you will need to familiarise yourself with if you are going through rejection.
I will never forget my first rendezvous with my old nemesis, rejection. I was about 8, and it was non-school uniform day at school. Oh the joy I felt wearing my favorite pink poncho to school! That joy was quickly tarnished by a girl who told me my poncho was "ugly" and it made me "look like a baby". Long story short, I wasn't allowed to play hopscotch with them, and I spent my playtime sitting with the dinner lady on duty.
From that moment you never want to feel so low ever again. Of course you grow, and the more you grow, the more types of rejection you face and ultimately learn to fear it rather than face it head on.
Why do we feel like this? Why does being rejected hurt us so badly, even if it was just stupid Kelly Abrahams and her light up trainers claiming my poncho was making her want to throw up her milk and cookies...
Well, me being the nerd I am researched this for you lovelies and found that actually we are all built to fear rejection - Its in our basic DNA.
Unlike most of our reactions that stem from our sympathetic system (responsible for fight of flight mode), rejection is faced and dealt with by our parasympathetic nervous system, which deals our bodies while at rest. So physiologically speaking, rejection literally gets us when we least expect it or are not prepared for it. Bitch,..
Our heart rates slow right down when we hear words and phrases associated with rejection, making us feel sick and uneasy. It can sometimes slow down so rapidly and vastly that the plummet genuinely can feel like heart break,
And here I was thinking that all these years I've been acting irrationally, when in actual fact my feelings and reactions to rejection have been scientifically proven.
So my reaction to being told my poem isn't good enough to be read in assembly is totally valid. Take that Ms Morris, I'm not a "drama queen" after all!
The worst kind of rejection, I think we can all agree, is romantic rejection,
There is NOTHING worse than being told you're not good enough for someone else. It makes you feel rejected in a way that is not easy to come back from. Worthless, unwanted, inadequate are just some of the feelings I went through with this form of rejection.
Some of you may already know about my issues with confidence from one of my earlier posts (You can read that post here: MY CONFIDENCE ROLLERCOASTER). So coming back from this hasn't been, and to be honest, still isn't easy.
Your self-esteem plummets and all that confidence you had built for yourself just disappears. Remember that punch-in-the-stomach feeling? Triple that then add a swift slap to the face. Yep, that's how it feels. Ouch.
Apparently dealing with this form of rejection is like coming back from a drug addiction. Funny huh? The same parts of your brain that deal with the pains of heartaches and break-ups deal with cravings and addiction. No wonder I ate my weight in Half-Baked Ben and Jerrys...
So how do you deal with the wench that is rejection?
Well, when I have found a solution to it I'll let you know.
Most people, myself included, tend to clam up, freeze, activate their force fields (yes I just made a Star Trek reference. And what?).
I know I tend to turn on Stubborn Mode, pretend everything is OK, slap on a bitch face, bolt out the door and cry later when I'm at home and can assume the foetal position whilst spooning a giant bar of Galaxy...
Science unfortunately doesn't have an answer for us either... we will continuously be afraid to be rejected, no matter from whom or what. It doesn't get easier or hurt less, but there are ways to distract yourself during the healing process to ease the blow a little.
Projects and hobbies are a good place to start, or seeing friends,
I like to go shopping and spend money I don't have, so I have a new problem of being broke to focus on... but hey that's just me!
This is a new type of post I have tried here, a lot more personal. I intend to carry on writing like this every so often, like a diary, an insight into the mind of Gem (you poor souls). Let me know if you like it or if you can relate to anything I've mentioned.
Gem
Song of the day:
Phoenix - If I Ever Feel Better
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Good job!
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