Emotional Manipulation

Below is a post i had written back in early 2015 that i never posted.
I came across it in my drafts and got very upset reading it. 

I was in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend who had very strong opinions on what i should like and shouldn't like. This one is about makeup. I was so good at makeup back in the day - i would do all my own makeup for pageants and for the first time felt like I had something of a talent that i could nurture and grow. After this post I gave it up, i stopped learning, just so i didn't annoy him. Imagine if i had kept it going, 5 years later I could have done something with it!

When i tell people about my relationship with him, people are often shocked to hear some of the stories, even though in my mind they seemed normal. 
To this day, thinking about some of the things I went through with him startles me a little - like HOW did i let that happen, or why didn't i stand up for myself.

I know he would be SO mad if he read this, however i feel like its time for me to speak up a little about it and shine some light emotional manipulation in relationships. 
Because at the end of the day, that's what it was. He may not see it that way, but everyone around me had concerns a with him the ENTIRE DURATION of my relationship, and i couldn't see it or wouldn't listen. and now I am out of it and happy with someone else, and grown a little since i realise now that how i felt in the post below is not acceptable. I shouldn't have felt this way, i should have felt secure enough to say "no, this is something i love and i will carry it on". But instead I bowed out, changed my opinion on something i had loved for so long, just to make him happy.

This post will act as an introduction to a new feature on my blog that will hopefully help people in relationships where they feel like they are being controlled speak out. 
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you need to talk about anything or need help.

2015... Make-up.
My hobby, my passion. Its what makes me happy.
I like it because it helps me to show my creative side. 
I was never the best at anything artistic at school... like art or drama or music. My talent were always purely academic, and i hated that.
Then i discovered makeup, a way to create different looks that reflect the current trends and to help me develop my own artistic flair. It helps me to feel confident about myself, just like how some people feel confident wearing the latest clothes or shoes, it makes me feel good. I don't have the best skin, and there are aspects of myself that i would like to cover, and make-up gives me that escape, a way to keep these things to myself.
And he doesnt get that.

Today I was watching a make-up tutorial on how to create a metallic smokey eye look, as I was interested in learning how to develop my basic make-up skills, and my other half walks in. He suddenly became so angry, shouting at me watching these videos and about wearing makeup in general. He called makeup artists/bloggers/youtubers vain and self centered. 
He said makeup is a waste of time and energy and a useless skill.
He thinks that make-up is purely about vanity and making oneself look pretty. 

And that makes me upset. I tried to explain to him why i want to wear makeup or why i watch so many tutorials and invest in good quality makeup, but he wont listen or try to understand.
Apparently i look better without makeup, and i while appreciate his compliments that doesn't mean i want to show the world my bad skin and awkward pigmentation. 

I am not writing this post to rant about a disagreement I have with my boyfriend or to make him seem like he is in the wrong for saying those things, because he is not totally wrong.
He just doesn't possess the knowledge I have about make-up to make him appreciate that its not a way to "make yourself look pretty" but it is an art, a science even. Anyone can own a bunch of make up, but its the brand you invest in, the quality of it and the way it is applied that that makes it so appealing to me. 

There are so many different ways to wear make-up, I cannot even begin to express the types of looks and fashion trends that can be created. 
And above all it gives people the confidence to go out there and face the world. 
I am all about feminism, and I know women don't need makeup to make their voice heard, I just don't want to do it with my blemishes on full display. But i get where he is coming from - perhaps  its not worthwhile?
What do you think, let me know in the comments!

This may seem like a typical girly post, but the fact that i allowed him to shout at me and tell me that something i like to do was a waste of time... And i never posted this!? I think i let him read the post once and he was upset i had written it, but still stood by his opinions and views. 
Its the little things, like this, that build up and create a bigger issue...

Anyway, I will be doing a few posts like this, drawing on my personal experiences to hopefully give some useful advice to people who are in similar situations. 


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