Hey Guys!
Have you ever had a time in your life where one minute you are so positive and confident and the next you feel so crap about yourself and everything in your life?
I have been battling with my confidence for years. Before I turned 18, my confidence was practically non existent. I literally could not look in a mirror without picking myself to pieces, which is an awful thing to do, especially as a teenager when in this day and age it's not only yourself who is judging you, but also your peers and everyone on Facebook/Myspace/twitter etc. Basically the world, or so it felt. I was so down because I wasn't what I thought "perfect" was - a confident bubbly person, constantly happy and just beautiful in every aspect.
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| Me at 17 years old |
I always scared to do the simplest things, like make new friends in a new environment for fear of being rejected for who i thought i was - a shy, very underweight and (in my eyes) ugly.
When I started my first part time job it took me MONTHS before I even spoke a word to anyone! And coming from an all girls school and now being surrounded boys as well i did not know how to interact with the opposite sex, which made me feel even worse! I felt like an outsider.
Shortly afterwards I met Marcus, who (as some of you know) is now my boyfriend.
He managed to break down my walls and show me that I don't need to rip myself to bits every time I see my reflection, or clam up in new environments and situations. He brought me out of my shell and slowly but surely helped me to build my self confidence. He accepted me for who I was, and I began to realise that the people worth having in your life are the ones who are willing to love you for being you and not what society deemed to be "perfect".
So my confidence was up for a while, but there were always those times where I was back to my old self again - down about the way I look and the person i am. I always wanted to have longer hair, or better skin, or more cuves, or more friendly and outgoing.
So I began to look for ways to boost my confidence. Simple things like listening to happy music, singing, pampering myself by taking long baths, eating chocolate and doing makeovers seemed to help a lot, but it was always only temporary.
In 2013, as you've seen by previous posts, i entered a regional heat of miss England. My confidence soared through the roof when I found i was a finalist, however the fight to keep this new confidence was still on.
A lot of people close to me, including a few from my work-placement at the time, disapproved of my entering and made it clear in nasty side comments or their behavior towards me.
Suddenly I was a "vain" and "self-obsessed airhead". Initially i was hurt by all the spiteful comments I was receiving from people who were supposed to be my friends and/or colleagues! After a while I just learnt to shake it off - I was doing something that was making me happy! Something that made me feel special and accepted and kept me busy!
There are always going to be people who try and bring you down because secretly they wish they were in your shoes or are just acting out of ignorance!
Once you realise this, I've found it gets so much easier to cope with any self-confidence issues.
I'm not saying I'm mega confident and out there now; there are still days where I would rather curl up in my duvet than face the world, but the dips in my self confidence roller coaster aren't so big and scary anymore. Once you find that one person who introduces you to a new way of thinking the confidence lows become shorter and less frequent! Luckily, that person for me was and still is my wonderful boyfriend and best friend in the whole world!
It can be anyone! A friend, family member or even yourself. And do things that make YOU happy! Not everyone has to like it or agree with you, but if it helps you and your confidence then it's definitely something worth sticking to.
In the words of Her Highness miss TSwizzle (aka Taylor Swift) "I shake it off!"
However long your roller-coaster with confidence is, remember it can only go up after it shoots down.
Love and light
Gem
Xx
Song of the Day:
Taylor Swift - Shake it off
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